Child-Inclusive Mediation (CIM)

​

Giving Children a Voice in Family Separation

When parents separate, children often have feelings, worries, and wishes they struggle to express. They may not want to burden either parent, or they may worry about being seen as taking sides. Yet their experience of the separation matters—and research shows that children who feel heard during this time adjust more positively to family change.

Child-Inclusive Mediation (CIM) offers a safe, age-appropriate way for children to have a voice in the process, without being asked to make adult decisions.

​

What is Child-Inclusive Mediation?

CIM is a specialised form of family mediation where a trained practitioner meets with your child (or children) to understand what life feels like for them. With the child's permission, the practitioner feeds back their views to both parents in a separate session, helping you make decisions that reflect your children's needs and feelings.

It is not about giving children the power to decide. It is about listening to them.

​

My Approach: Working with a Separate CIM Practitioner

In my experience, best practice is to work with a dedicated Child-Inclusive Mediator who is separate from the core mediation process. Here's why:

• Total impartiality – The CIM practitioner has no prior knowledge of the case and brings no assumptions into the conversation. Their only focus is the child.

• Fresh information – Because they are not involved in the mediation itself, the feedback they bring is entirely new. Both parents hear it at the same time, in the same way.

• Safety for the child – A separate practitioner ensures the child can speak freely without worrying about affecting ongoing negotiations or being drawn into adult conflict.

 

I work closely with experienced, accredited CIM practitioners. When we agree that CIM may be helpful, I will introduce you to a colleague who will take on this role independently. I continue to hold the mediation space while they work with your child.

​

How the Process Works

1. Both parents give consent
CIM can only happen if both parents agree. This is usually discussed during the mediation process, often after initial sessions have established a foundation of trust.

2. The CIM practitioner meets with your child
A separate appointment is arranged with your child (or children together, if they prefer). The practitioner explains the process, answers any questions, and makes clear that the child is not being asked to make decisions—just to share what life feels like for them.

3. The practitioner feeds back to parents
With the child's permission, the practitioner meets with both parents to share what they have heard. This feedback is carefully shaped to be helpful and constructive, never placing blame or revealing secrets.

4. We return to mediation
We then use what we've learned to inform the decisions you make about child arrangements, parenting plans, and how to move forward together as co-parents.

​

Is CIM Right for Your Child?

CIM is not suitable for every family or every child. The CIM practitioner will consider:

• Age and maturity – There is no fixed age, but children typically need to be old enough to understand the process and express a view (usually around 7 or 8, though this varies)

• Willingness – Children are never forced to participate. If they don't want to, that's respected.

• Safeguarding – If there are concerns about risk or vulnerability, the practitioner will assess carefully before proceeding

​

What Are the Benefits?

For children:

• A safe space to be heard without fear of upsetting anyone

• Reassurance that their parents are listening

• Reduced anxiety about the separation

• The chance to express feelings they may not have been able to share at home

 

For parents:

• A clearer understanding of how your children are experiencing the separation

• Information to help you make decisions that truly reflect your children's needs

• Confidence that you are putting your children at the centre of the process

 

For the whole family:

• A shared understanding that can reduce future conflict

• A foundation for more effective co-parenting

• The opportunity to move forward with greater empathy and connection

 

Research & Evidence

There is a wealth of research showing that children benefit from being consulted in this way. Studies indicate that children who feel heard during parental separation experience better emotional outcomes, and parents who receive feedback from their children are more likely to reach sustainable, child-focused agreements.

 

Frequently Asked Questions

What if my child doesn't want to take part?
That's fine. We never pressure children to participate. If they say no, we respect their decision.

Will my child have to choose between us?
No. The practitioner is very careful to make clear that the child is not being asked to take sides or make decisions. The focus is simply on their experience.

Will I hear everything my child said?
Only what they agree can be shared. The practitioner agrees with your child what feedback they are comfortable having passed on.

What about confidentiality?
The CIM practitioner's work is confidential. The only exception is if a child discloses a serious safeguarding concern, in which case we follow our safeguarding procedures.

How much does CIM cost?
Fees vary depending on the practitioner and the amount of time required. I can provide details during mediation if we agree to proceed.

​

Is CIM Right for Us?

If you are in mediation and would like to explore whether CIM might be helpful for your family, please raise it with me. I can explain more, answer any questions, and, if appropriate, introduce you to a skilled CIM practitioner.

Ultimately, the goal is simple: to ensure your children feel heard, understood, and cared for as you build your new family arrangements.